Ski Bum Advice

The Great Thing about the Worst Season Ever
I spent one day on snow last year. One. And it was not a day that I would classify as “epic.”  In fact, I think I actually had more fun eating lunch in the lodge than skiing. Of the three and a half decades I have spent sliding on snow, last season definitely will go down as the Worst Season Ever. But to borrow from one of my all-time favorite movies, “The first rule about the Worst Season Ever is that we do not talk about the Worst Season Ever. The second rule about the Worst Season Ever is that we DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE WORST SEASON EVER.”  So, having reflected on it, here are some benefits to having survived a real stinky year on the hill.

1. Your skis are still tuned. Those handful of days didn’t do much to your edges, and there is still wax residue visible on your bases. You’re grinnin’ like a villain about not having to spend $30 to get your sticks ready to go for the year. Soon you’ll be skidding turns with the best of them.

2. That dope white- and sapphire-blue Obermeyer jacket you paid full pop for will stay clean a little longer since you barely wore it. No worrying about Riblet drips or spendy dry cleaning bills prior to the first day on the mountain. Shoot, you are ready to roll up to the Schwiz looking like a hundred bucks, player.

3. Those $2,000, bad-ass snow tires you bought for your H3 still have a butt-load of life on them, even after those multiple trips to Hillyard to go antiquing and buy weed. Sure as hell didn’t make it to the mountain, now did they?

4. Your repaired ACLs will feel like new. Well, sort of. At least they got a break. Seems those days in the 1980s running 215s with your DINs set on 14 have finally caught up with you. At least you get to start this year feeling only partially arthritic. Oh, in case you haven’t heard, they call it a 360 now, not a helicopter.

5. Ski patrol will likely have forgotten about you. Well, maybe. Remember a couple of years ago when you blasted through the ski school slow zone at Mach 10 and nearly took out a dozen 3rd graders?  That Go Pro video of the whole incident you posted on Facebook was super helpful in figuring out whose pass to pull. Not showing your mug on the hill last year might mean it’s time to release the hounds again. Godspeed! //

Brad Northrup is a former ski racer, coach and ski resort marketing director. He is hoping he can remember how to ski this season.

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