By Brad Northrup
I know, I know, some of you might think it’s a bit early to get all excited about the upcoming ski and snowboard season. If you are in that camp, I might suggest taking a peek at indoor pickleball leagues or joining a knitting club this winter. No offense to knitting clubs—I tried to join one last year (and the year before), but my membership application was denied . . . again. Nah, for those of us who totally dig winter, it really doesn’t take much to get the vibe going. If you are wondering how the heck my dysfunctional mind switches gears and starts focusing on the upcoming season, follow along.
My Browser History
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but nothing so poignantly illuminates what goes on in a skier’s mind this time of year like their browser history. My better half looked at mine and seriously wondered how she ended up with me. My recent history includes:
“Skis I want but can’t afford.” Seems I spent a total of 200 hours reviewing over 600 websites, drooling over the latest and greatest hardpack carving skis and powder sticks. Now I happen to have these in my quiver, but I can rationalize damn near anything. Until I compare the MSRP to my bank account . . . which never ends well.
“Best ski socks for sweaty feet.” I am quite certain that I own at least two dozen pair of high-quality ski socks, though I am also certain that I only use one or two pair, and never wash either . . . mainly because doing so is bad luck. When I queried the interwebs as to the best socks for my soggy piggies, it immediately asked how often I wash my current ones. I logged off, not wanting to face reality.
“Goggle technology for peeps who are colorblind and have poor vision.” Yeah, I really won the genetic lottery, didn’t I? It’s not my fault that I can’t see certain colors, and don’t see well at all. It is of little wonder I ignore Ski Patrol when they yell at me to slow down, and it explains why I must beg mountain management not to pull my pass every year. The results of my web inquiry? Lasik eye surgery and special uber-expensive glasses to wear under my goggles. Not the answers I wanted to hear.
“Easy preseason workouts for lazy middle-aged dudes.” I don’t run anymore, at least not unless I’m being chased, and lifting weights sure looks hard. ChatGPT was not kind to me when I asked for suggestions. It responded: “You ask that every year—please stop.”
Making a Gear Checklist
I like to think I have my poop in a group when it comes to having my gear ready to go for the season, and it seems every fall I make a new list. Doing so really gets my winter juices going. But here’s the thing: it doesn’t change year after year. As a matter of fact, it’s been the same since the latter part of the 20th century. This year, think I might farm out the task of putting the list together to AI—that will show ‘em.
Brad Northrup is a former ski racer, coach, and ski industry professional. It might be hard to believe, but he really does get excited when winter rolls around.
